Is The Haunted Mansion scary?: An honest review
We have to go back, way back through the mists of time to the 1970s when my fight or flight instincts.
When I was young, dad took me to a former quarry turned swimming hole not too far from our Northern Indiana home. Dad wanted to encourage me to open my eyes under the murky water.
“We’ll go under and open our eyes together,” he said.
We did. And when I saw my father’s face hideously transmogrified by the brownish, greenish water, I responded with pure instinct and punched dad right in the nose.
It couldn’t have hurt too much being under water and all but when we resurfaced, I got the distinct impression that I’d shocked him.
Fight or Flight and our first trip to Disney
It would have been about the same time, the late summer of 1979 that we took our first trip to Disney World. My Nanny and Papaw, mom and aunt Amy and me, made the trek down when the park in Orlando was less than a decade old.
My Nanny’s favorite ride was The Haunted Mansion and she was eager for me to ride and overcome any trepidation.
Despite my fear, I rode with her.
We can assume you can see where this is going. I watched most of the ride through splayed fingers, closing my eyes tightly when it became too much. Then, as we approached the famous hitchhiking ghosts, Nanny encouraged me to open my eyes. I did and saw the mirror and the ghoulish face between Nanny and I.
I sprang into action, turning in my seat and firing a hook into space next to Nanny’s head. She could hear the punch whistle by her ear as it smacked into the padding at the back of the buggy. I’d like to tell you, dear reader, that I was trying to protect my Nanny from the ghosts. I’d like to tell you that.
The good news is I did not punch my Nanny that day. But I did shock the s*** out of her.
How spooky does the Haunted Mansion get? Spooky enough to make you risk maiming your grandmother.
What is the Haunted Mansion?
The mansion was an opening day attraction in Disney World, first entertaining guests on October 1, 1971. An earlier version opened at Disneyland in 1969. The basic theme is guests are taken on a tour through a ghost infested mansion on the Doom Buggy. The classic dark ride features an omni mover track which loads guests without stopping – unless assistance is needed. The ride takes guests through several ghostly scenes including ballroom dancing, macabre music and even a séance.
The ride is a testament to quality demanded in the early days and the vision of the 1960s imagineers at just how effective the ride remains today. Sure, there have been modifications over the years, but the substantial experience of the ride is as it was on opening day in 1971. And it is great.
Is the Haunted Mansion scary?
Let’s say this: The ride uses visual and sounds very effectively. There can’t be many adults who find the ride scary – unless they’re like me and it returns them to a certain life experience. I can’t say I’m afraid on the ride but while I recognize its greatness, I don’t enjoy it very much.
I think just how scary it is correlates directly to the size of your imagination and how easily you allow yourself to be swept away.
The experience, after working through the queue, starts in the stretching room, a pre-show experience that cleverly sets the tone and organizes the crowd for loading. The narrator – aka the Ghost Host – is the baritone voiced Paul Frees, who sets the mood wickedly as the walls begin to stretch revealing the haunting truth behind the paintings decorating the wall. Done poorly, it could be seen as funny or camp – and I’m sure some see it that way anyway, But if you are of the mind to be spooked, it is shockingly effective. The ride itself uses tricks that remain surpassingly effective all these years later. But it was never the ghosts alone that set the tone. The sounds – from the music to the voices – is what worked on me.
The ride is not gory and doesn’t over rely on jump scares. It is a testament to what can be done by expert imagineers and craftspeople. The real trick is that it’s a time machine that takes you decades back when horror was more about imagination than shock and awe.
Should I take my kids?
It’s impossible for me to say. Some kids love it instantly. Others are terrified. A few years ago, we went with a family of friends and the older kids all wanted to ride. My younger two – who would have been 9 and 7 at the time were nervous. The boy has never liked being scared and because of that his younger sister had rarely been exposed to it. I told them they didn’t have to go, we could do something else, but the 9 year-old was determined. From the point the room started stretching, he was terrified. He clung to me and even cried a little. He was like me. It was not for him. His younger sister loved it.
Should you take your kids? You know them better than I do, but you may not find the answer to that question until it’s too late to do anything about it.
If you know they are easily scared and don’t like being scared, maybe it’s a skip.
In my experience, if a ride terrifies you in your youth, you’ll never truly love it. You might grow to tolerate it. You might even grow to enjoy it, but it’s not something that will be among your favorites – at least not usually.
